Private Public Practice
I'm no doctor or lawyer, but I am starting a new practice.
Okay.
Whenever I am in a getting-my-shit-together whirlwind (and if you are like me an have any number of neuroses and diagnoses that contribute to the circumstances where a getting-my-shit-together whirlwind is necessitated by the general state of your being), I often find myself flipping to a clean page of a legal pad and writing “Okay.” at the top of the page. I don’t do to-do lists, because the name “to-do list” gives me the willies (see aforementioned neuroses and diagnoses). But when I write “Okay.” at the top of the page, it usually centers me, and helps me focus. Then I start to scratch out a list of things that are gnawing at my soul or psyche, and I start working on them one-at-a-time. Usually not finishing all of them, but also usually finishing some of them.
One of those things was to start a substack account. And so here I am, and here you are. Okay!
I’m doing this now because I’ve spent a long time being comfortable in tolerable situations. (I’ll probably elaborate on that later.)
I’m doing this now because it has become clear that, in spite of the internal monologues that I’ve had about myself for a long time, there are people who are interested in what I have to say. I’m really grateful for that, and I hope that it continues to be the case.
I’m also doing this now because I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my own purpose and identity, and I feel like both of those things are heavily pluralized for me. I have multiple purposes. I have multiple identities. (But, just to clarify, that is not one of the neuroses or diagnoses I refer to above.) I am generally at ease with them all, but I find lately that I feel stretched amongst all of them and I am wondering whether I need to focus heavily on one direction of creative work. I have always believed that I have a lot of ways that I can create and contribute. I really enjoy teaching people about writing, acting, and creativity. I love writing poetry and essays. I love playing my guitar. I love writing scripts and directing films. My favorite things to do in the world of my work is to play a character in a film or play.
I want desperately to do all these things. I have done these things. I’ve been doing them. I’m doing them.
So I’m going to try to figure out how to keep it up.
SO, I suppose in attempting to share how that goes for me with an audience, I am going to start with my first OKAY LIST. Not a to-do list, but an OKAY LIST. It’s a list that I make when I say “Okay.” to myself when I’m ready to buckle down and get shit done. For this one, the OKAY LIST will be about what I want to do with this substack. At least as it stands right now. This list may evolve, shrink, grow, or otherwise change. I hope you’re, ahem, okay with that.
OKAY.
1. Writing Practice
Something I’m planning to do is periodically share drafts of things I’m working on. I’ve gone through phases of “which genre do I write” over the last several years. Of late, I’ve called myself a screenwriter. Before that I was more of a poet and essayist, and lately I’ve been careening back into those things. I’m not sure how often I’ll share drafts of things here— maybe that’s more for my gracious friends who are kind enough to deal with that.
I will also share various writing prompts, because I just love writing prompts and generative writing exercises. When I sit down to think about what to write, that’s when I find I get blocks. But when I have a prompt that I am writing to, I stop trying to create my magnum opus and just try to have fun with the prompt. And I’m often pretty happy with it. SO I think I will share some of those from time to time.
2. Updates about stuff I’m doing
So, I have been living in Nashville, TN for the last several years. In that time, I have had the good fortune to become part of some great communities that the city houses— some of them thriving with long histories, and some newly discovered and burgeoning. It’s a great city for people in the arts and creative industries, and I am excited about documenting the happenings in the creative culture of this place.
With that in mind here's an event I'm doing tonight https://www.instagram.com/dare_to_fail_film/
I will probably be writing a lot more about Dare to Fail on here. Please check out our Instagram and follow us there.
3. Learning more about Substack, and what professional writing looks like now.
I think many people start a substack, or other such blog, to share their expertise and expert points of view. And I have some of those. But one thing I don’t know a lot about is how to write as a profession. I have spent a lot of time in academia, but I’ve never really learned how to make a living as a writer. So I am looking forward to discovering how that works, and how I might fit into that world. (If, indeed, I actually do.)
I am truly excited about getting into this new world. Please feel free to comment with any suggestions of accounts you might think I would like.
4. Gratitude
It’s a word that is in the discourse a lot, especially amongst creative types. And when that happens, often people will couch discussions of zeitgeist words and phrases with “I think this word gets used too often…” but I won’t do that here. I don’t think it’s possible to use the word or idea of gratitude too much. I’m pretty grateful that I get to do this thing where I write and hit publish and people are able to read it. I’m grateful to everyone who takes time to read these musings and ponderances. And I think right now I’m reminding myself of that. Full disclosure: probably the main impetus for starting this thing today is that I just generally feel really down in the dumps. I wanted to do something to try to get me out of this state. I’m reminded of Westley’s “To The Pain” monologue in The Princess Bride:
“It’s possible… that I’m only lying here because I lack the strength to stand — then again, perhaps I have the strength after all.”
I recently saw Jason Isbell in concert. He’s my favorite songwriter, and it was a real bucket list item of mine to see him perform at the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville. I had gone with a buddy of mine, who had never really heard much about Jason before, and in the process I was looking up articles about him to share with my friend. I came across this one by Hugh McIntyre about his recent documentary, Jason Isbell: Running With Our Eyes Closed in which during the course of making his new album, he and his wife dealt with a fair amount of conflict. In that article, McIntyre shares a moment where the documentary’s director, Sam Jones, relays a moment where Isbell shares how he believes his personal life informs the public-facing version of his work:
“There's a part in the beginning of the film where Jason says, ‘Look, to do what I do, I have to be willing not to look cool. And I have to be okay with things being out there that don't make me look cool and don't paint me in the best light.’” That line of thinking applies to his songwriting, and especially to this movie. Jones didn’t miss that comment, and not only did he hold onto it while making the documentary, he made sure everyone caught it as well.
“I put that in the beginning of the film because I thought it was one of the most beautiful things to say about art and about getting over your self image and all that nonsense,” Jones shared with me. “But I also put it in there so when Jason saw that, it was a reminder that, ‘Hey, guess what? The next hour and a half, you're not going to look that cool all the time. And you're not going to be painted in the best light. But you said it!’”
For a long time, I’ve held that I don’t want to get too personal with my art, my writing. I’ve thought that the art I create, while certainly informed by my own lived experience, is a separate entity than my personal, private life. So when it would come time in a piece of writing, or a character I’m playing, to confront some kind of aspect of my life that was very emotionally… close? (for lack of a better word), I would shy away from it. This passage affirms to me that it’s important to go toward the discomfort inherent in those moments when life and The Work overlap. That maybe it’s an artists job to be more open with moments of private struggle than other lines of work. That maybe it’s what draws people to the work, and in doing so, connects it all together.
So, yeah, this substack’s whole existence is now Jason Isbell’s fault.
OKAY!!
Thanks so much for reading. Hope to see you around.
-JR